My brother is an ugly kid,
He’s got freckles everywhere,
A nose that’s small and pudgy,
And cowlicks in his hair.

Both his cheeks have dimples,
His eyes are much too green,
One toe is kind of funny,
And his ears are rarely clean.

I don’t think he’s tall enough.
His lips are awfully thin.
And since I think he’s ugly,
I don’t want to be his twin.

Some people call it funny,
While others say it’s weird,
My father has no moustache
And my mother has a beard.

I think they both look normal.
I don’t see the need for jokes.
I’m sure that both my parents
Look just like other folks.

Mother is very pretty,
And I like when people note,
They say I look just like her,
I’m a baby Nanny Goat.

My brother had some bubble gum.
I told Mommy I wanted some.
She said he had to share with me.
Instead of one piece, I got three.

Now he’s bragging how nice he was.
He brags about everything he does.
But he’s not nice, in fact he’s rude,
He gave me gum he already chewed.

I find it’s very hard
To grow pickles in my yard.
I’ve planted over half a jar,
But haven’t grown one so far.

I watered like my brother said,
But all my pickles turn out dead.
I tried to raise them but I can’t,
So next I’ll grow a raisin plant.

I ate an elephant,
When I went to the zoo,
Then downed a hippo,
And a small kangaroo.

Next was an alligator,
Followed by a crocodile.
I ate a two-humped camel,
But it took a little while.

I dined on a polar bear,
And bit the tail off a fox.
I bought Animal Crackers,
And I ate the whole box.

My Barbie
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I got a brand new Barbie
And she is truly great.
I call her Skater Barbie
She can twirl a figure eight.

She can even go in water.
She’s nice and trim and slim.
I call her Swimmer Barbie
When I take her for a swim.

She has pretty dresses,
She loves to skip and prance.
I call her Barbie Dancer,
When I take her to a dance.

But my brother played with matches,
And by the time that he was through,
I had to change my dolly’s name,
Now I call her “Barbie-Que”.

If a poodle married a tiger
And they had a little child,
Would it be warm and cuddly
Or would it be mean and wild?

Something very loving,
That licks you on the nose;
Or maybe something dangerous
That tries to bite your toes?

And if you were its master
Would it consider you a winner?
Or maybe take a different view
And think of you as dinner.

I wouldn’t want to own that pet.
I think it would be too scary.
And that’s probably the major reason,
That poodles and tigers never marry.

I like to win,
I hate to lose.
I scream a lot
And throw my shoes.

I haven’t lost in quite awhile,
Not because I’ve got great style.
I haven’t lost to a he or she,
Because no one wants to play with me.

My mother is such a monster,
Her feet are even hairy.
All of her teeth are snaggled
And her voice is really scary.

Her hands are dark and wrinkled,
On her fingers she has claws.
I’m not sure they are really hands,
Perhaps they might be paws.

Her eyes are small and red.
They glow when it gets dark,
So I can always find her
When she takes me to the park.

Her stomach sticks way out.
Her fur is orange and blue.
And I think that she’s so beautiful,
Because I’m a monster too.

Tommy is pretty much older than me.
He’s already five, while I’m just three.
I don’t think that Tommy’s too smart,
Kindergarten opened, he did not start.

Tommy doesn’t know the alphabet
And he really doesn’t speak well yet.
But we watch television every day,
Then Tommy and I go outside and play.

For three full years our friendship’s grown.
He’s always with me. I’m never alone.
But there’s no one else can take his place,
Especially, if he wags his tail, or licks my face.

My Weight
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I wouldn’t say I’m fat.
I don’t weigh that much.
Maybe a little heavy,
But only just a touch.

There are lots of other things
That weigh much more than me.
A walrus and an elephant,
A polar bear and redwood tree.

Compared to all those other things
My weight is lighter than it sounds.
I got on the scale yesterday,
I’m just six-hundred thirty pounds.

I fed my brother dog food,
My mother is really mad.
But it’s the very best dog food
My little brother ever had.

She screamed and called the doctor.
Her eyes are filled with tears.
I guess I shouldn’t tell her,
He’s been eating it for years!

My daddy’s head is broken,
Right on the very top.
He used to have hair grow there,
But something made it stop!

Mommy plucks her eyebrows.
Could she have plucked his head?
Did she sneak into the bedroom
When he was sleeping in his bed?

At the beach last summer,
I remember, he had hair!
Perhaps while he was swimming,
Some fishy bit him there?

I’ve really been quite worried,
About my daddy’s head.
So I asked my mommy,
And this is what she said.

“Daddy has no sickness,
That isn’t what it’s called.
He’s just getting older,
Your daddy’s going bald”.